Okay, so I need to write an article. No biggie, really, I’ve done this before. And this one is so much more liberating. You have the creative freedom to choose what you would write about, the writing style, language, tone, everything in your own hands. Nothing like analyzing Jayant ‘LOSER’ Mahapatra or theorizing Darwin and Arnold when you don’t really give a fig . No real constraints. Sounds so cool, no?
Yes, very cool. Ice-cold too, maybe. Wait, that just might explain the numbness. No, things might be different here. But who knows, because ghosts are everywhere, ‘a presence displaced in time ‘ as Amitav Ghosh tells me, they are. They say look ahead. They also say learn from your mistakes.
College editorial board, the school magazine, important exams it all seems so integrally jinxed. The curse Karna had seems to be so similar. Across time, helplessness at a most crucial moment seems to be a legacy that I have contracted. The desertion of your most prized artillery, like a truant friend is heart-rending.
But there is something, for any of the above to bear fruit, I’ll have to take a punt. Maybe, it’ll be like my solitary attempt at driving. I crashed into the wall of the garage.Well, it wasn’t really a garage, it was very much a part of the verandah. I blew up a coriander and mint plant I had planted from scratch. I cared most about my plants, the car and wall had enough well-wishers in the house.
I still might shoot myself if my younger sister gets her driving license before me! That should not happen. Or maybe it would. I don’t think I care so much about driving, I can relax there a bit. But wait, writing is something I care so much about. Yes, it sure does make me feel good if someone says that a little note I wrote to them still brings a smile on their face and reminds them of me. Well, to some extent I might look down upon those who live for likes and comments on Facebook statuses. But yes, many of those likes and comments on even a Facebook note that was written from the heart, have worked like chocolate while mourning the absence of the same on some of the display pictures!
Umm, I like to believe that it’s the Maya Angelou effect. She says that ”You might encounter defeats, but you must never be defeated.”
Yes, so, the jitters can take a backseat now. I guess I’ll send this. And I guess the real wisdom to take from the epic would be to remember its spiritual essence that : ACT, leave the rest to someone else. But there’s a catch, do we have anyone else to blame or thank?
What do you think? Do tell me, the last thing that made you feel as if you were made up only of nerves, was it a person, a responsibility or just something you imagined. What was it?